Be Proud in Your Pride

I am somebody. I am ME.

And I don’t need anybody to make me somebody.

-Louis L’Amour

Who am I?

The search for identity wasn’t only Buddha’s pursuit. 

Each person’s own sexual and gender identity is core to this search. Am I a man or a woman? Who and what decides it? Whom am I truly and deeply attracted to? Should I conform to a norm that a majority or a community prescribes? What is making me want to fit in? There are so many questions carpet bombing my mind. 

Pride month is celebrated all over the world. There are arguments or views on why the world suddenly awakens just one month in a year. It hasn’t been easy to convince organisational leadership to invite them to learn more and promote understanding for all.

In the organisation I work for, it has been an amazing journey over the past two years. To go from thinking “deviants” may be one or two to taking baby steps with five people identifying last year as a part of the spectrum to this year with over forty-eight people identifying themselves.

Gathering vocabulary that provides clarity on sexuality, being able to distinguish gender identity, body types, sexual orientation, and much more has been a powerful journey for me. 

Human beings are more than the binary understanding we have been conditioned to.

To begin with sex is assigned at birth. That’s not just the factor that defines our sexuality. Our sexuality has more dimensions than the sex assigned at birth. Gender and sex are not the same thing.Fit is based on the genitals but may not be based on what the child may grow up and identify as. Gender is largely how you feel about yourself. It is what you believe about yourself and identify with. Gender is a social construct. 

Let’s take another step forward. What’s your sexual orientation? Somewhere along the way, we begin to find ourselves attracted to or attracting potential suitors to procreate. Humans (and dolphins) are the only beings capable of engaging sexually in both recreational and romantic contexts.Here comes our attraction, which may be inconsistent or consistent with our identity by assigned sex or programmed or resonating gender. When did you first realise you were “straight” or “heterosexual”?If the answer is “I just knew”, then that is the case for others as well. Very naturally.

Lastly, there are expressions: how we choose to express our identity and the way we show up and interact with the world around us. The clothes we choose, the makeup we wear, and the roles we play in our intimate interactions. 

The world of ourselves offers a window to find out more for those who are curious, open-minded, and non-judgmental about what is around us. The rules of that world include “don’t yuck my yum” and being “accepting” of other people by telling them “Come as you are.”

We are Women

“We are diamonds in the rough

Through the thrust and toil, we come out strong

We are the breath of the earth,

Our wombs tell of humanity’s birth

We are seeds splattered on putrid soils

Still, we sprout, through every storm

We are not here to survive,

We are here to live…

Inward and outward

In the incandescence of our existence

Yes, our voices may sometimes be broken

But our spirit remains indestructible.

We are women, unapologetically!”

― Chinonye J. Chidolue

Chinonye J. Chidolue is a Nigerian actress. She is an experienced Creative with a demonstrated history of working in the media production industry. Sharing these lines written by her on the occasion of International Women’s Day

Follow Chinonye on social media and read her quotes on GoodReads.

My Two Watches – Inclusion in Diversity

A little over two years ago, thirteen men met to walk the banks of the Narmada as part of a leadership walk. Eight days of spiritual and humbling walk to find out their purpose. No wallet, no mobile phones, just being with ourselves and the brotherhood to figure ourselves out.

The bond of divesity

While all of these fellows were exceptional people, these two were the ones my heart connected with the most. One was a 31-year old entrepreneur with an unheard-of kind of name, of Persian descent, divorcee, and the other was a 25-year old Tamil Catholic, unmarried adulting man, naive, confused but supremely kind soul. They opened their heart to me, a 40-year old Malayalee, an atheist, a separated human on my own journey.

We walked, talked, cried, climbed, hurt, laughed, shared, stripped, ate, and slept together those eight days. This journey forged a brotherhood tighter than we ever imagined was possible. Read more about the walk here

We parted after the walk. I continued my learning journey until the day the pandemic kicked in. As a solo traveler, I was always on the go and had no place to nest. I was not comfortable going back to my hometown and finding shelter given my state of mind then. The 31-year old opened up his home for me. I could live with him as long as I wanted and grew wings to be on my own again. The 25-year old would do frequent sanity checks on me as we all were in the same town.

Something positive during Pandemic

The bond we had forged grew stronger. Our time together was in the space of naked truth and unburdening, with unfiltered conversations and unconditional love and support for each other.

When the first wave subsided, the three of us decided to backpack and revisit a few stretches from our walk. Our picks were Gokarna and Murudeshwar, after a brief stop at Goa. Initially, a few other friends were traveling with us. The space the three of us had made a few people jealous. There were fights about the closeness we shared and how it impacted our intimacy with others. But, we three reveled in the company we shared.

A piece of me

On that trip, we spent Christmas on the beach. As a token of love and appreciation for the wonderful brothers they had been to me, I gifted them my most prized possessions: My Two Watches. At one time, I took pride in wearing them. Now I wanted these two gentlemen to keep them. For me, it meant that they had a piece of me with them.

The present day saga

Time passed. The youngest, 25 years old, decided to get married. We were all looking forward to this reunion and celebrating in full glory.
Just then, I contracted the virus. I sat sulking in isolation, hating that I had to miss this occasion. Something I had been looking forward to with much anticipation.

I tried to keep myself busy on the day to not feel anything. There was an eerie silence on the Whatsapp group too. Then I got a message from them. Something which overwhelmed me made me gooey and felt loved and included beyond words.

It was a beautiful photo of their wrists adorned with the two watches I had gifted them.

The brotherhood found a way to make my presence felt even when I was miles away. A part of me was there with them at the wedding.
What a way to toast – Inclusion, Diversity, and Friendship!

Hard hitting questions

This feeling will stay with me all through my life. It made me think about how we go the extra mile for those we love and care about in our personal life.

What about diversity and inclusion in the workplace? Why do we find it so challenging? These questions so categorically came up.

• Do we consider a colleague in the minority, who nevertheless contributes to the company aim, when they aren’t there in the room and we’re planning an outing, an offsite, task distribution, or any other choice that affects their work lives?
• Are we addressing the elephant in the room?
• Are we aware of any potential prejudices we may possess?
• Are we treating the person with respect, regardless of their identity, which we may or may not share?
• How can we, as HR professionals and business leaders, make intentional space for diversity, attract talent, and ensure that our company’s goals are met?
• What can we do for inclusion and diversity – for persons of all faiths, races, dietary preferences, sexual orientations, disabilities, gender identities, and generations in the same space?

Be Human and Humble

Times are rapidly changing. The race against time and money will soon be won by a few. Leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves with what is left of humanity. Being human and humble is a choice we all should consider making. That’s what will keep our body, mind, and spirit alive. That’s the part that makes us feel like we have a sense of belonging, involvement, and citizenship. And we are cherished, trusted, and respected.