Posted in Inclusion, Love Stories, QuillSe, Story, writing

Candle Story – A one night stand

The rains in the mountains aren’t easy. They tend to slow you down to a snail’s pace. At times, the network is fully disrupted and the electricity can be gone for long hours. The silence of the mountains, the green landscape void of any interruptions, allowed me some time to observe and cherish the otherwise mundane functionalities.

On one such evening, the caretaker of my place left two candles to keep me company through the night and beat the darkness. The bright yellow flames of the candles enticed me.

With nothing to do, all my attention got directed towards them. I noticed that neither of the candles were exactly straight nor the same size. One was taller and flawed, with a slight bend. It managed to stand straight without becoming stuck, whereas the other was slender, a little wobbly, and almost cute in appearance.

Both of them stood tall and proud, illuminating the room beautifully. Together, they shone ever brighter. The monsoon wind had a certain rhythm and the candles were almost dancing passionately in an intimate tango. They were finding joy, cocooned in their own world, creating memories and flowing with the flow. It was a sight to behold.

A short while after, one of the candles began to wobble. As if, realising that it was losing its strength, it reached out to the other one needing support, warmth, love, and mush. The more it leaned in, the more the other candle felt the impact, but stood strong and firm, extending the support.

After a while, the candles look contented, almost as if the time they spent shining together had strengthened them. And now both had some space and were standing on their own. The play of their flames was full of warm memories. In the safe space, both of them were shining as individuals, yet revelling in the companionship and respect for each other.

It was almost like the ironies of our lives. Like the moments when we all stumble, are weighed down, and seek support, even if only temporarily, to regain our footing. If we are fortunate, just like the candle, we will discover that place and that warmth and unwavering love.

After many hours of giving light, one of them died out and the other endured the space of solitude till its time.

Their companionship bore an uncanny resemblance to our own lives. When life’s serendipity brings perfectly imperfect and flawed people together, those who shine from their individual spaces and spend time avidly shining even brighter together, giving each other room to be, to grow, and complete their journey.

I am immensely grateful to these insignificant candles who kept me company and lit the room for the entire night. My one-night stand with these candles was full of priceless memories.

Reflection

Relationships of a romantic kind are not the only context for connection and being. These considerations apply to any type of connection or friendship that we may be pursuing.

What will make relationships allow the space to shine and thrive in their individual capacities?

How can relationships become mature without the insecurity of loss?

What in relationships will allow more joy, sensitivity, intimacy, keeping it burning till the end of whatever is left?

What can make perfectly flawed people co-exist with all their differences?

How can relationships be held more gently than in clasped and entangled ways?

Can relationships be without ties but out of a desire to be?

Let me know your thoughts.

QuillSe

Posted in Diversity, Inclusive, Love Stories

Dil Se Anaahat

Anaahat is described mystically as the sweet sound of the heart.It was a popular thought and a philosophy that received a lot of attention during the Middle Ages. ‘Dil Se Anaahat’ is a letter to acknowledge and express my love to Anaahat, who has been a witness to all my stories and everything else to date.


Dear Anahaat,

You have spent more than 42 years inside me, but I haven’t spent as much time with you as I should have. I realise I have taken you for granted and I want to take a moment to tell you, what you mean to me. What an awesome backpacker you have been through all these years and more so in the last 3 years of my life.

You’ve carried all of my weight and carried me along without a murmur. The power you’ve kept generating and that pump you work on has kept me alive. You have been my leader in experiencing life. Everything on the spectrum. I have heard you race and be calm. I have clutched at you-aching.

Your unwavering support

Everything that my body experiences: excitement, joy, sadness, love, lust, anger, greed, jealousy, doubt, guilt, shame, angst, affects you deeply. Even then, you have never held me back from experiences, risks, or the unknowns in store for me. You have nudged me subtly, maybe even complained a little when I made the wrong choices, but have always been there, unfailingly.

Perhaps my life would have turned out differently if I had listened to you, but would it have been as interesting as it is now? I am not sure.

On my journey of love, Anaahat, you rode on my sleeves, fearlessly. You made me powerful enough to trust and to be trusted. You have run wild with me in pursuit of love. I have felt you skipping a beat every time I crushed and squished on someone. Every time I broke, or failed, you just coped. You were aware of my hidden regrets and told me “this too shall pass”. You got me trying again.

How do you do it?

I want to sincerely ask you: Do you ever feel bored pumping day in and day out? How do you keep yourself motivated? How can you not complain? And they say that the heart is just a muscle. Such a mundane understanding!

Hats off to you for your strength, memory, consistency, tenacity, and for sailing through the test of time.

According to science, friction is essential to making sounds. But you are an exception. The beat you play needs no friction. 

The Music you Make

Seven notes have to be synchronised and in rhythm to sound ecstatic. The rhythm and beats of my journey, all the music in me, found its genesis because of you. Your beats were the first rhythm I heard. People love me singing. They say I sing from my heart. It must be true, as I sing to you and for you.

I don’t know what I would have done without you. I would not have known life or what it feels like to be alive, let alone being six feet under. I owe you everything. I feel fresh and energetic because you strive every day to make the blood flow. You clean up the mess. You make me sing, write, speak, love, and fight with all my passion, so much so that my brain can’t function in your absence.

Have I worn you out? I sincerely hope not. We still have miles to go, places to see and people to love. I need you by my side. You have bruises, holes, scratches, and tears from everything I have put you through over the years. Are you ugly or broken? Not at all.

you are a star

Trust me, dear friend, you wouldn’t have been beautiful without those impressions and experiences. Even without being painted in gold, you shine and glitter. You are “Kinstugi.” As mysterious as you are, you are valuable to me. Hopefully, one day you will be valuable to someone else too.

Stay alive and kicking. Thank you for all you have done for me. I am in great debt to you. I love you.

Skipping a beat, I say, “You are me and I am you.”

Take care of yourself.

Stay Safe.

Love, 

Me


I invite you to write your own letter of love in acknowledgment of your heart. If you heart permits, then share in the comments section.


My sincere thanks to Soumya R Srinivasan for her thought-provoking, story telling sessions based on the book “Body Eloquence”. This book gives us a perspective on our behaviours in association with different body parts. Acknowledging the heart was one such element of being in gratitude and self-love and the inspiration behind this post. Check out Soumya’s blog for some interesting read here. You can find the book- Body Eloquence on Amazon.